All things being equal, people will relate better with their family and friends. Why? They know each other. It’s that simple. Many of the problems we face in our relationships stem from our not knowing our partners like we think we do. People are seen as bionic units to whom we can delegate to get more done or they are seen as interruptions to be handled efficiently so that we can get back to our schedule.
More often than naught we see our partners as just a reflection of ourselves and always look at what they do or say in terms of how it affects our world or time. We rush to love, we have hit and run relationships often living broken bodies and broken lives along the path, we wants the benefits of relationships but we don't make the emotional commitment to live a life of rich interdependence, a selfless service of sensitivity and a continuous improvement of character to make it grow. When we are interested in another, we rush to learn, probably ask a few people about the character in question to have something to work with and then promptly swoop in with our signature moves to take the day. We do not make time for deep conversation or interacting with our partners in meaningful ways.
Maybe, if we talked more we might come to value the differences in our partners and be willing to be influenced, we can see their weaknesses as opportunities to help. Effective communication in relationships does not only add to the sense of importance partners feel because they know they know each other, it also helps to clearly spell out what’s important and what their shared visions are and oh, I can’t even begin to tell you how understanding your partners body (communication) can heighten the ecstasy surrounding your sexual experience. Now that you know, think about it, do you want to schedule your time solving problems created by communication or build a relationship that creates an environment for effective communication?
It’s great to be in the know, the sense of direction and air of confidence it brings makes effective communication feasible. Estate contractors work with building plans, barbers have mental pictures, sort of blueprints as to the hairstyles they want their clients to wear after having their hair cut. So it is with relationships, you simply can not better communicate with someone you don’t know. There is nothing wrong with doing a little background check, finding his mum’s tested and approved methods of dealing with him when he get’s ‘someway’ like you put it. Nothing wrong with trying to understand why he would rather be with a few of his trusted friends in his day of trouble and not you. How do they deal with him? How do they communicate, so that he always runs back to them knowing they know just what to say and when to keep mute?
To learn is to grow, to feel ourselves expand to accommodate the complete partner that we so adore, not the easy going fun type that many a people would easily hung out with but also the lone ranger who sometimes seems lost and unfulfilled. If you learn how to deal with specific behavioral patterns coupled with your unique and tender approach he has come to love, you guys maybe young and yet your communication prowess may supersede that of a couple who have been together for say 10years.
Some of us have a changeless core and a good number wants to hear ourselves talk. These die hard habits are serious under miners of effective communication in relationships. Some guys have the notion that Adam didn’t do jack except the conventional bread winning whereas some ladies simply do not want to be led, they simply want to share. Should such two decide to see how their partnership plays out, they would have to give it their utmost best, opening themselves up to the possibility of change. At the end of the day the resultant effects if it’s magnificent when cut into pieces would show compromises and sacrifices made by the two to create this joy that on the surface would have proven to be otherwise unworkable. To love by nature is interdependent, it involves belonging, relationships with other people based on the modern themes of all modern literature is reciprocity of the golden rule. If you want effective communication to be practical in your relationship, learn to forget about you some of the time, concentrate on her and listen to her, be open to changes, she might probably help in unveiling a side of you, you didn’t know existed. Together you will be surprised how good communication can help you mature.
Where there is a shared vision or sense of purpose in a relationship effective communication thrives, where there is not, communication breaks down. Take a young adult who has education and career as the most important areas to develop in the next 15years. Now this is his vision, iron clad sense of purpose cast in stone. Note that his goals are not so strict that he can not have a good time every now and then or even be in a relationship so far as it does not threaten to take his eye of the ball. Now should such a guy meet a breath-taking lady who gets taken in by him, only she wants a committed man who sees himself settling down and tying the knot in say the next 5years, what do you think will happen 3years into the relationship? Note that these two drew their plans years back and are bent on bringing them to realization. Chances are, there will be a breakup living broken heart and broken lives. If couples will take their time to clearly spell out their visions or the direction they want their relationships to be headed, it would save us all a lot of trouble and improve effective communication tremendously. Spend more time talking about your past, present and where you want to be headed taking it a day at a time and you guys will not just be another statistic.
Urgency is sometimes a counterfeit for intensity or importance. The degree to which urgency dominates a culture whether it is a relationship or marriage is often a dramatic indicator of the degree to which importance is not the focus. You see hubby running around seemingly busy and the lady of the house multitasking with yet a lot to do. If partners interdependently decided this is what’s most important in our relationship hence most of our time should be devoted to it. It will eradicate the ignorance that urgency is somewhat synonymous with working hard to sustain the relationship. I might call my wife once in a day when I have a short break to check on her because I have a lot of demand on my time and I feel it is a must do thing as a husband but it still wouldn’t compare to the husband who knows his wife’s well being is his number one priority so would use all the technology available at work to find out whether the day has been good to her and offer his support. These little things are super important because of the effect they have on the one you love but it wouldn’t be as important to you if you didn’t have an idea as to what is important in our relationship and which is urgent?
After all is said and done, it comes down to putting yourselves in your partners shoes and thinking, what would I want him to do if it was really I who felt misunderstood, unsupported, en caged, among other things and gracefully ‘do unto your neighbor what you would have them do unto you.’
